The following was my sermon for Rosh Hashana (Day 1),delivered on September 13th, 2007.
Your comments are always welcome.
"What I Did on My Vacation"
So, how was your summer?
Mine was great, thank you!
I got to be at the beach, which is always great! We had some wonderful Bar and Bat Mitzvahs at B’nai Jacob, including our youngest daughter’s, and we had a beautiful wedding to celebrate. Of course, there was the completion of the renovations of our main sanctuary which you are enjoying this morning. Personally, I was also able to take our oldest daughter to see a college and I don’t know about you, but getting to the point in life where you know you have a child about to start
out on her own is just amazing. And that first drive together as father and daughter was one of those special memories of the summer.
So, yes, it was a great summer!
But it was also one of the worst summers of my life.
Health wise, this was a tough summer. As many of you know, and if you don’t, you’ll now know why even when I was in town, I wasn’t always in the office, it was because I am one of the almost one million Americans that suffer from IBD, Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Specifically, I have Ulcerative Colitis,
a chronic disease of the colon. Without being extremely graphic, the disease means that tiny open sores
or ulcers form on the surface of the colon, where they bleed. Because the inflammation makes the colon need to empty constantly, you end up in the bathroom an incredible number of times a day, resulting in painful abdominal pain, cramping, blood and diarrhea. If you have ever had a colonoscopy and remember
the preparation for it (the feeling you get shortly after drinking that “wonderful” gallon mixture!)
that is what ulcerative colitis sufferers experience every day, as many as ten to fifteen times a day.
It is not pleasant and you also experience severe…I’ll stop now!
There is no known cause for the disease, but genetics have a lot to do with it and IBD particularly affects Ashkenazic Jews so thanks for nothing, Chosen People!
I have lived with this disease since I was thirteen and have had these symptoms for years. Thanks to
the skill and concern of Dr. Roberto Kusminsky, Dr. Brittain McJunkin, and more recent, Dr. Joel Levien,
I have been able to live with this disease for over thirty years. Thanks to them, I have never needed surgery and been able to go through fairly long periods of remission. In addition, I have blessed in
that the disease continues to remain below the splenic flexure (that’s the bend in the colon) which
I'm told is a good thing, and I need to keep it there.
Since the early part of June and through most of August, however, I experienced one of the worst flair
ups I can ever remember. I had the most horrific pain, intense cramping as well as all the things I mentioned earlier. There were weeks when I was afraid to eat for fear of what would happen a few minutes later.
Now, why do I bring this up? I do so not asking for any sympathy. Believe me, I look at the disease
I have and I actually feel extremely blessed. Ulcerative Collitis can make life miserable at times
(it can make a ten minute drive a nightmare), but is not a life threatening disease. In fact, it is
not even the worst of the Irritable Bowel Diseases. I have lived with this since high school,and thanks to great medical care, been able to keep it in remission for extended periods of time.
I consider myself blessed.
And really, until this summer I have always responded well to limited therapy and got it rather quickly back into remission. So I am not trying to win any suffering sweepstakes. Believe me, in comparison to many in this congregation, my illness and my therapy is simple and my sympathies and my prayers are therefore with others today.
I only bring my illness up because of something I discovered about myself and about my relationship
with G-d through this latest bout.
This summer, because of my condition, I often found myself after each horrific episode (and several times a day) lying in bed in a fetal position. I had cramps the type I wouldn’t wish on anyone and there were times I was in such terrible pain, that I couldn’t talk, couldn’t function and couldn’t think straight.
I was in real agony, absolutely agony. And this went on for several weeks.
Here’s the odd thing. I believe in G-d, I love G-d and I believe G-d loves us, cares for us and wants a personal relationship with all of us. And yet, through this whole experience, I never once reached out
to G-d.
Thanks to Dr. Levien, I came out of this rough period. And I now look back on those weeks and reflect on the fact that I never called out to G-d, never once cried out to Him, prayed to Him, or asked Him for help and support.
Now that this incident has passed, I have begun asking myself why I, a rabbi, a believer in G-d never once prayed to G-d for help or support during this illness. You, my dear congregants, ask me to pray for your recovery, pray for a speedy healing for a member of your family, and I easily do so. I realized that I never did what I tell others to do in times of great trouble and that is reach out to G-d.
Not once.
And yet, throughout my illness, I also realized never felt closer to G-d. In all my life, I have never more strongly felt G-d’s presence. This summer, I never reached out to Him, but I felt great comfort in
G-d and the strength G-d gave me. G-d was there with me and His presence was a source of tremendous comfort.
Let me try to explain what I think I discovered about prayer and my relationship with G-d this summer.
I think this may help some of you understand what prayer can be all about and how to make the connection with G-d that we all desire, especially during crisis.
To do this, let’s go back to the Torah reading for Rosh Hashanah (Genesis 21:1-34). Abraham expels his concubine Hagar and their son Ishmael. Abraham, as you remember, took Hagar and had a child through her when his wife Sarah couldn’t conceive. Sarah finally has a child, Isaac, and now insists that Abraham remove Hagar and Ishmael from their tent. She didn’t want anyone inheriting from Abraham except her son Isaac. So Abraham expels Hagar, his teenage son Ishmael and sends them into the wilderness. Abraham gives them some provisions before exiling them. When their water is spent, Hagar casts off her now sick boy beneath one of the trees. Hagar then goes afar to rest. She cries out “Oh G-d, let me not see the death of this child.” She lifts her voice to G-d and weeps.
The Torah then says: “G-d heard the cry of the child and Hagar is told, ‘Fear not, Hagar because I have heard the cry of the youth in his present state. Arise. Lift up the youth and I will make a great nation of him!’”
Did you catch the switch?
Most people don’t notice the subtlety of the text here. The Torah does something that you might have missed if you are not reading it carefully: "Hagar cried out to G-d” and yet “G-d heard the cry of the child." See it now? G-d doesn’t hear Hagar’s cry, but rather the cry of the child.
Interesting. The Torah never says that Ishmael cried out! So what we have is someone praying to G-d, but G-d responding to the one who didn’t lift his voice. G-d heard the cry of the child.
I never understood that...Until this summer.
What is prayer?
Prayer means many things to many people and I am not going to tell you what is the best way to pray,
where to do it or how one should pray. If prayer is working for you, do not change your routine.
However, if you are one of the many in this shul who feel spiritually lost, who want a relationship with G-d but are simply not connecting, if you constantly try to give prayer a shot and yet, year after year, open a prayer book hoping to be inspired but are spiritually unfulfilled, this is for you. I am here to suggest that, with all due respect, the fault does not lie with me, or the Cantor’s beautiful voice, or the prayer book that you stare at in bewilderment. If you are having difficulty connecting with G-d,
I am here to humbly suggest, based on what I felt this summer, that it may have to do with how you are approaching prayer.
I pray every day. I do it whether I feel like it or not, and I’ll admit, I often do not feel like it most days. No offense to G-d or Jewish prayer, I am just kind of busy with life. I have a lot on my plate. But I always force myself to pray and I always feel so much better that I took the time to do so.
It is similar to how I feel about exercise. I exercise every day, except Shabbat and holidays. I’ll be honest, most mornings I hate it; I’m tired and I want to stay in bed. Most mornings, I would just love to sleep in like I do on Shabbat. But I force myself to go to the gym and always feel so much better that I took the time to do so.
I exercise because I know my physical health is extremely important. My doctor thinks exercise has had an extremely positive effect on my response to the therapy for Ulcerative Colitis so I am now even more committed to my workouts. In addition, exercise creates a healthier heart and body and as I age, I am helping create the quality of life I want one day. So, I don’t exercise for its own sake or even for any immediate benefits but for the aerobic and physical fitness that will,hopefully, help throughout the stages of life.
Prayer is like that on the spiritual level. Whether I feel like it or not, I pray every day. I do it for my spiritual health and well being. I don’t pray because I am trying to win G-d over nor I don’t expect a reward for doing so; I don’t ask G-d for anything. Like exercise, I don’t expect to see the benefits after one or two sessions and do not expect instant gratification. I pray to find closeness to the One known as G-d, to connect to the Father of us all and the Creator of our existence. I realize life is a long journey and I feel there is ultimately a benefit to a nearness to Him that helps improve the quality of my spiritual life. I pray in order to create a relationship with G-d, which is every bit as important as my mental and physical health.
I now realize what happened to me this summer. When I was ill, I didn’t pray to G-d. I couldn’t because I wasn’t able to focus and I couldn’t do much of anything. Yet, I didn’t need to for G-d was already there with me. I felt an overwheming feeling of Divine comfort, knowing G-d was close to me in my infirmity.
I felt G-d as strongly as I felt the presence of Marilyn who would hold me after each bout and gently rub my back as I lay there in pain. I felt G-d as powerfully as I felt the concern and love from my parents, my kids, the twice daily calls from Doctor Levien and from the many of you who knew what was happening this summer and were offering me your well wishes. It was as if I had been spiritually training my whole life for moments like this and discovering, “Wow! Now I see the benefit of being spiritually connected.” My soul was in good shape and allowed me to feel the presence of G-d when I needed it most.
Thank G-d, I have live a prayerful life.
A lot of people struggle with spirituality. They come a couple of times a year, open the prayer book, flip through some pages, hopefully find a interesting thought or a paragraph, talk to their friends and then leave. And that is the extent of their prayer regiment. And when they are hurting, they naturally reach out to G-d, find emptiness, and ask why they can’t feel G-d’s presence.
I hear that a lot. And I wish I had an easier answer to give but I think I’m coming to the realization that, for most of us, our souls are not able to reach G-d because we haven’t trained our souls to do so. Our souls have not been forced to ever bear the weight that they are being asked to carry during moments of crisis.
I have had people tell me that since I talk a lot about G-d, I should write a book with all my sermons on how to get close to G-d and how to find meaning in prayer. I don’t think I could ever do that because I don’t think there is huge audience for what I suggest. I don’t think people want to read a book on spirituality where its advice will be that in order to be close to G-d and feel His presence throughout your life (and especially during times of crisis), one needs to be prepared to spend about a hour every day locked in intense concentration and be prepared to do that for the rest of your life. People like things easy. Who would want to read a self-help book on G-d that doesn’t offer the one prayer that activates closeness or gives the reader an easy to follow program?
My ideas for spirituality wouldn’t sell very well.
And yet, unless you are a perfect spiritual specimen, for most of us to be close to G-d requires hard work and intensity. Un-fortunately, most are not prepared to do that, just like most are not prepared to spend long hours in a gym to get physically fit.
G-d heard the cry of Ishmael because as a child of Abraham, I suspect his father taught him the importance of being close to G-d every day. And when he took ill, the closeness of G-d was already there and that is why G-d heard his unspoken prayers and was with him.
When I was ill this summer, the overwhelming presence of G-d took over. I felt His arms around me, felt His care through each painful moment and there was great comfort in that.
I carry this point one step further before I end. This place,a synagogue, is a gym for your soul.
You don’t need a gym to work out and you don’t need this place for your soul. However, like a gym, we’ve got the best equipment and classes on getting in spiritual shape.
Every now and then, we members of B’nai Jacob need to be reminded of what this place is all about.
B’nai Jacob may be about community and social interaction, education for our young, coming together for the common good and attending awesome Men’s Club “Chili Cook-offs” and entertaining Ladies Auxiliary music programs. But at its core, a synagogue is about being a “beit tefillah”, a house of prayer. That is what we do most of here and we do it every day. The reason part of me is so protective of the minyan is because that is why we are here. We are here to pray, to "daven", and to develop a relationship with G-d.
If you are having trouble connecting with G-d, I hear you because it is not easy. But trust me, bust your “soul” in prayer every day, whether you feel like it or not, and when you have problems like I had this summer, you will be so glad you spent all that time in worship. Because when things are falling apart, when your world is collapsing, there is nothing more fulfilling than closeness to G-d.
I wish you that beautiful closeness with G-d as we begin a new and hopefully healthy new year.
Amen
Rabbi Victor Urecki
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